I am angry.

You know what, I'm not mad, I'm disappointed. We got hurt weeks ago, and what have we done since then? Nothing. Been fat and lazy. What the fuck Mike? Are you serious? You should have set a goal of getting back to judo stronger, more agile and in better shape. Instead you ignored our diet, stopped working out and stopped going to judo. Major problem. Tryouts for the Empire State Games are TOMORROW. We could have gone right from work, but nope. Even better, there is nobody from our club fighting the -73kg weight class. We would have been the one to represent JMJC to the state. Instead, your weight is up and your judo is down. Garbage. Unacceptable, complete and utter trash. Go work out, go run 2 miles or you're going to bed without anything to eat.

Textbook narcissist?

Agreed.

Third Place...

Morris Cup was yesterday, longest day ever. Got there at 8:30, worked a table until some time had passed. The little kids are so scrappy when they fight. Then more time passed until the junior division, which took 1000000 years. Seriously, I was a little aggravated and I don't think I got to fight until like 9pm. Which leads us to the results. I took third place for Novice Men -74kg. Third. Place. Ugh. I should have won, except in match 2 I (well, a Russian) dislocated my left shoulder. It didn't hurt too badly due to adrenaline or me just wanting to win, so I didn't go on the DL and just fought through to match 3. That might have been an awful idea, as I couldn't fight well at all, and got thrown for ippon in 2 and 3. I'm immensely aggravated that I lost to two judoka I could have beaten. Again, ugh. The high point of my day was the support from my friends and my family. Jessica, Dave, you guys rock, thank you for sticking it out until the end. (Almost the end for you Jess!) Mom and Dad too, love you guys and thank you for coming out and watching me get injured, sorry about all that. Mike D'Alessio, Sensei DaLessio, thank you for all the training and for getting me into judo. Everyone from JMJC- you guys rule, thanks for all the help and support. All in all, I'm extremely disappointed. It was a great day but I should have performed much better. Empire State Games tryouts in June once this shoulder is healed up.

Dear Crista Leigh, the "Rock Goddess..."

You fucking suck. You literally, utterly, and wholly suck. I hate you, and I don't even know you. Why do I hate you, you ask? Let's start off with my morning. My ears enjoy receiving the musings, shenanigans and other such tomfoolery as Free Beer and Hot Wings put on. I don't exactly mind listening to the traffic or the weather, in fact it's somewhat helpful. Then, I consider reaching for my toothbrush and sharpening it into a shank. I would use this shank to tear apart my ear drums and make it so I don't have to hear what's coming next. A less masochistic approach would work too, although I don't feel like going to the garage for a sledge hammer in a towel. Instead, I suffer you. I suffer your horrible, nasally, drawn-out voice of absolute aural pain. Do you have a fucking speech impediment? What the fuck is, "It's CRISTAAA LEIIIGH the RAWWKK GODDESS?" You sound like a retarded valley girl swallowed a squeaky toy.

And how the fuck are you a xxROCK GODDESSxx? None of us from this generation understand rock. We were not around to bang our heads to Maiden or Metallica in their glory days. You are not, never were, nor will you ever be a rock goddess. A rock goddess is Janis Joplin. You are a stupid radio personality. And here's what's wrong with your Facebook picture- You look like you just walked "out da hood." Please go gargle with bleach, razorblades or something that will ruin your voice beyond recognition. Oh wait, that's over and done with. Become a mute nun.

-Because I can.

Oh, who would ever want to be king?

It's been almost a year since my last blog entry. Surprise surprise, nothing has changed. I work not just one, but two unfulfilling and unrewarding jobs. I make great money, but what good is that? I spent an exorbitant amount of money on an unreciprocated love, which I knew, and I still got angry about it. C'est la vie.

Going back to unrewarding, these jobs suck. I want to help people. That's why I'm here. I've been out of the law enforcement/EMS side of the game for far too long. Taking it to another level would be doing such things globally, an opportunity one could so find with the US military. I will be joining some aspect of the Air Force. Be it Guard, active or Reserve, I will be signing papers within a few months. I will be taking a job that will more than likely be obscenely dangerous, but also immensely rewarding.

There's still so much to say. Too much to say. I feel like a Rubik's cube. At least Valentine's Day is over.

Oh noes.

Last night was interesting.  That is all.

I entered 2... wait, 3 judo tournaments.  One is SATURDAY!  I'M GONNA GET FUCKING MURDERED OUT THERE.  Well, maybe not.  I don't know.  I'm gonna get some extra training time at the Jason Morris Judo Center and hopefully figure out what throws are my strong points.  I'm still freaking nervous though.  I turn 21 in 4 days.  Woooooooo!  I am listening to DJ Tiesto and eating a healthy breakfast.  My kitchen is now in shambles and there are dishes scattered about my house.  Parents will not be happy.  Work has sucked a lot less lately.  I don't know why, maybe it's the fact that I am not worried about losing my job.  BBYM has an exclusive contract with Carphone Warehouse for 2 years, and are untouchable through it.  Thank you God.  I feel awful for anyone in my store affected by the economy though.  This sucks.  

Sleep, you say?

I should stop taking so long before blog posts. I think I only use this to rant. It's been an interesting time since the last post. Obviously there was Christmas. That was awesome. My grandfather hit me with one of the best quotes I have ever heard. "I may be dying but I'm not stupid." Everyone laughed it off. Then it really set in. My grandfather is terminally ill. The doctors said he should be long gone by now. Fucking morons. I want to punch them... but that wouldn't do any good. Christmastime of course is hectic in the retail industry. Hectic doesn't define it. The amounts of caffeine that were consumed were unbelievable. However, I get me a holiday bonus. Seeing it the first week of February isn't a bad thing, as I am entirely broke. I can't stop listening to Avenged Sevenfold's "Waking the Fallen" album. I forgot how good it is. This was back in the day... before they pussed out and before all this bullshit stress. This is from the days of SEANJOYCE yelling at people out of cars, staying out until ridiculous hours for no other reason than causing mayhem and random punk shows that my parents had to bring me to. "Don't go in the mosh pit," they'd say... I feel like I'm trapped. Everything is closed in or closing in. I'm stuck and I have nowhere to go. I need to get out of Schenectady. Maybe even out of NY. I hear Pennsylvania is nice, and I'd have a place to live. Oh, going along with being trapped - the same story happened with yet another chick. Are they all really the same? I don't understand how I let myself get led on like I did. Apparently I'm pathetic. After the fact, of course I was a complete prick. Eff off, I was justified. I do feel like a heel though. I want to say I'm sorry, but I'm not good at that whole "apology" thing. Why do I want to apologize? I have no shot, and she's only going to bitch about other guys. Oh right, I'm too nice. Of course. I haven't heard that eight-thousand fucking times. I'd not like this to turn into a rant about this gal, but damn it all, it's such bullshit. I don't know where to go from here so I think I'll conclude. Yay for going to work in eight hours. I am going back to judo tomorrow night though. I'm going to get the shit beat out of me. I can't wait. I'm eating better and working out a lot. Daily cardio for the win. Time to end with another quote.

"It is not the accumulation of extraneous knowledge, but the realization of the self within, that constitutes true progress."

Don't worry about crazy amounts of "stuff." Realize who you are and you'll get somewhere.