Oh noes.

Last night was interesting.  That is all.

I entered 2... wait, 3 judo tournaments.  One is SATURDAY!  I'M GONNA GET FUCKING MURDERED OUT THERE.  Well, maybe not.  I don't know.  I'm gonna get some extra training time at the Jason Morris Judo Center and hopefully figure out what throws are my strong points.  I'm still freaking nervous though.  I turn 21 in 4 days.  Woooooooo!  I am listening to DJ Tiesto and eating a healthy breakfast.  My kitchen is now in shambles and there are dishes scattered about my house.  Parents will not be happy.  Work has sucked a lot less lately.  I don't know why, maybe it's the fact that I am not worried about losing my job.  BBYM has an exclusive contract with Carphone Warehouse for 2 years, and are untouchable through it.  Thank you God.  I feel awful for anyone in my store affected by the economy though.  This sucks.  

Sleep, you say?

I should stop taking so long before blog posts. I think I only use this to rant. It's been an interesting time since the last post. Obviously there was Christmas. That was awesome. My grandfather hit me with one of the best quotes I have ever heard. "I may be dying but I'm not stupid." Everyone laughed it off. Then it really set in. My grandfather is terminally ill. The doctors said he should be long gone by now. Fucking morons. I want to punch them... but that wouldn't do any good. Christmastime of course is hectic in the retail industry. Hectic doesn't define it. The amounts of caffeine that were consumed were unbelievable. However, I get me a holiday bonus. Seeing it the first week of February isn't a bad thing, as I am entirely broke. I can't stop listening to Avenged Sevenfold's "Waking the Fallen" album. I forgot how good it is. This was back in the day... before they pussed out and before all this bullshit stress. This is from the days of SEANJOYCE yelling at people out of cars, staying out until ridiculous hours for no other reason than causing mayhem and random punk shows that my parents had to bring me to. "Don't go in the mosh pit," they'd say... I feel like I'm trapped. Everything is closed in or closing in. I'm stuck and I have nowhere to go. I need to get out of Schenectady. Maybe even out of NY. I hear Pennsylvania is nice, and I'd have a place to live. Oh, going along with being trapped - the same story happened with yet another chick. Are they all really the same? I don't understand how I let myself get led on like I did. Apparently I'm pathetic. After the fact, of course I was a complete prick. Eff off, I was justified. I do feel like a heel though. I want to say I'm sorry, but I'm not good at that whole "apology" thing. Why do I want to apologize? I have no shot, and she's only going to bitch about other guys. Oh right, I'm too nice. Of course. I haven't heard that eight-thousand fucking times. I'd not like this to turn into a rant about this gal, but damn it all, it's such bullshit. I don't know where to go from here so I think I'll conclude. Yay for going to work in eight hours. I am going back to judo tomorrow night though. I'm going to get the shit beat out of me. I can't wait. I'm eating better and working out a lot. Daily cardio for the win. Time to end with another quote.

"It is not the accumulation of extraneous knowledge, but the realization of the self within, that constitutes true progress."

Don't worry about crazy amounts of "stuff." Realize who you are and you'll get somewhere.

Wow

Belay the last post.

Not having power for 3 days kind of sucked, although the nomadic lifestyle was fun. I'm exasperated at the world and have to work at 0600. I hate mornings.

wtf is the internet?

Holy ice storm batman!! Today began with digging my RSX out of an inch of ice. I then proceeded to drive to work (scariest drive of my life!!!) And am now working til 3pm. Its snowing, hard. It went from post-apocalyptic nuclear winter to post-apocalyptic winter wonderland. I love upstate NY. At work, I do meet random mutants and characters. One in particular just sparked my thought process. She was wandering, meandering even, and looking lost. I asked her if I could help her find anything, and we got to talking. She said that not only did she have no power but no internet. She felt lost. I was kind of taken back at this. Are we so dependent on our technology that were lost without it? Yes, I say to that. my morning routine is wake up, shower, eat breakfast and check WoW, gmail, and all of the forums I'm expected to be active on. This morning, however, I woke up, showered and ate breakfast in the same room as my parents while making commentary on the news. It was nice. Generally I enjoy my solitude in the mornings since I hate the world, but today was a nice change of pace. Granted, I don't want to do it every morning.

Anyways, I was seriously mindfucked by this... So much so, that I'm blogging about it, on the internet, from my Blackberry.

In hoc signo vinces, Slainte and keep it real.

Fuck my life, seriously.

I'm reeling.

In 2-6 months, my hero will be gone.  

I hope the world ends before then.

Once more, with feeling.

Let's try this again.  Dreams are ridiculous.  They either reveal where you want to be or where you never, ever want to be.  Personally, mine aren't so much nightmares as they are exposes (accented e) on my darker fears.  The last few nights I've woken up terrified of things happening.  The worst part is, they are things that will eventually happen, and there is no way of stopping them.  My worst nightmare is inevitability.  It doesn't help that the damn weather is beyond bleak.  One wakes up and expects sun but is greeted by a nice gray gloom.  A fun little treat is the fact I got a Verizon bill today expecting a $200 balance.  It was $17.04, thank you employee plan.  Funny part is, I don't even have the phone yet.  I'm hooked on Giant Panda Guerilla Dub Squad thanks to Nix, these guys are awesome.  I guess that's it.  

Winter is coming...

In Dreams

Dreams are ridiculous.  This is going to be update very soon from the Blackberry.  I just have to drive to work first...