Sleep, you say?

I should stop taking so long before blog posts. I think I only use this to rant. It's been an interesting time since the last post. Obviously there was Christmas. That was awesome. My grandfather hit me with one of the best quotes I have ever heard. "I may be dying but I'm not stupid." Everyone laughed it off. Then it really set in. My grandfather is terminally ill. The doctors said he should be long gone by now. Fucking morons. I want to punch them... but that wouldn't do any good. Christmastime of course is hectic in the retail industry. Hectic doesn't define it. The amounts of caffeine that were consumed were unbelievable. However, I get me a holiday bonus. Seeing it the first week of February isn't a bad thing, as I am entirely broke. I can't stop listening to Avenged Sevenfold's "Waking the Fallen" album. I forgot how good it is. This was back in the day... before they pussed out and before all this bullshit stress. This is from the days of SEANJOYCE yelling at people out of cars, staying out until ridiculous hours for no other reason than causing mayhem and random punk shows that my parents had to bring me to. "Don't go in the mosh pit," they'd say... I feel like I'm trapped. Everything is closed in or closing in. I'm stuck and I have nowhere to go. I need to get out of Schenectady. Maybe even out of NY. I hear Pennsylvania is nice, and I'd have a place to live. Oh, going along with being trapped - the same story happened with yet another chick. Are they all really the same? I don't understand how I let myself get led on like I did. Apparently I'm pathetic. After the fact, of course I was a complete prick. Eff off, I was justified. I do feel like a heel though. I want to say I'm sorry, but I'm not good at that whole "apology" thing. Why do I want to apologize? I have no shot, and she's only going to bitch about other guys. Oh right, I'm too nice. Of course. I haven't heard that eight-thousand fucking times. I'd not like this to turn into a rant about this gal, but damn it all, it's such bullshit. I don't know where to go from here so I think I'll conclude. Yay for going to work in eight hours. I am going back to judo tomorrow night though. I'm going to get the shit beat out of me. I can't wait. I'm eating better and working out a lot. Daily cardio for the win. Time to end with another quote.

"It is not the accumulation of extraneous knowledge, but the realization of the self within, that constitutes true progress."

Don't worry about crazy amounts of "stuff." Realize who you are and you'll get somewhere.